Image

I was away this weekend at The Great Escape. It's a retreat our youth group goes to every January, and every year it's a great opportunity to catch up with some old friends, serve, and refocus. I was REALLY excited this year because I was going to be the MC/Host.

Let me tell ya, it was everything I expected and so much more [which is usually how God works. Everything you expected, and so much more.] I connected with old friends in a new way, made some new friends, had a BLAST hosting, and got to hear some great messages about Image.

As I heard Pastor Mark speak about how frequently we base our image of ourselves on material possessions, relationships, and other things, rather than God, I started reflecting on myself and my life- and if there was any evidence that I was doing this. Perhaps to my surprise, even my clothes screamed that I did this.

You see, most of you know that I like to look good. I like my clothes from certain places, and I spend a nice amount of time picking out my clothes. Even packing for The Great Escape took me like two hours, and having to change my shirt at least 10 times to see which ones I wanted to wear.

Now, it's fine to want to look nice, and in fact I still want to dress nicely. But I came to realize something- I spent so much time preparing my clothes JUST BECAUSE I knew I was going to be the MC. I KNEW I was going to be in front of 150 people. so I wanted to look particularly cool.

Here's another shocking realization I'm just coming to have. I spent so much time preparing my clothes so I'd look good, and not nearly enough time PRAYING for the encounters I had with people- for God to prepare me to USE my position, USE my role and image as MC to get to know and inspire kids. Now, in His grace, he certainly provided. I had the most AMAZING weekend, and got to encourage and speak to people in a way I haven't in a WHILE. But if the retreat was that good... HOW GOOD COULD IT HAVE BEEN if instead of just worrying about my clothes, I spent an hour or two praying for God to open hearts and use me? For Him to provide conversations where I could impact and encourage people.

So, though I continue to present myself nicely, I refuse to prepare myself materially before I prepare myself spiritually. From now on.

So that's one conviction. But there's more. And the rest is actually something I did right.

In my first post, I spoke about my three commitments for 2010. One of those commitments is that I would live boldly, unashamedly, for God. Which would take getting over my insecurities, more than anything. You see, maybe you've noticed and maybe you haven't, but I'm often quite convinced, and concerned, that someone won't like me- that we won't click or get along, or whatever. And it's not that I particularly CARE that people like me or not, because I got used to not being liked, but... it's that one moment of rejection, maybe. I don't know- there's just something about new people that INTIMIDATES me. It's like... hopelessness. I think we can't possibly hit it off, and I dread the moment of awkwardness and dejection when we don't, so I don't bother trying.

So, what I'm seeing is that... for the most part, my insecurity does not necessarily lie in me doing things with a lack of confidence [because I'm told that I portray confidence in what I do], but more so in that it KEEPS me from DOING to begin with.

The reason I bring this up is that last night I realized, I didn't feel this way at Great Escape at all. Almost without meaning to, I WAS bold and unashamed this weekend. In fact, I thought SO little of how people would view me that I didn't notice till last night how it BARELY touched my mind. And I was SO glad!

The results were tremendous. I established connections with people easier than I have in AGES. In social situations where I usually would've held back, and therefore not met people, I THRIVED. And I say this not for my own benefit, or to talk about how great it was for me, but I sincerely believe that I was able to connect with people in a way that was a mutual blessing.

The real proof of this for me was on Sunday morning. As I said goodbye to a friend I'd known the year before, she said to me "Art you're so different..." when I asked how, she said "I don't know... it's like, I heard some middle schoolers talking about how you're such a good role model especially because you don't care what people think."

I was amazed. I mean I IMMEDIATELY thanked God. My thought was... 'when did I become someone who people can say that about? When did I become someone kids can look up to? When did I become someone who doesn't care what people THINK?!' As I looked over some of the things people said to and about me, and as I considered how my relationships had gone that weekend, I realized how GREAT are the ways that God can use me when I stop letting my fears and insecurities hold me back!

When I stop worrying about whether or not the person will like me, and just throw myself into the things God has put before me, I can really be used to change lives.

HOW MANY OPPORTUNITIES HAVE I WASTED?! How many people have I not reached out to, when maybe they NEEDED it, because I thought they wouldn't like me, or they'd think it's weird that I cared so much?

And you know what? Since when does God's love NOT look weird? I mean it's WEIRD for someone with ALL THE POWER to give it up and SUFFER for someone who doesn't deserve it, isn't it?

So why is OUR love supposed to be any less radical? How could it possibly be any less WEIRD?

Let's stop with these EXCUSES that caring about people is gonna look odd, uncommon, etc. If loving people takes COURAGE, and a lack of concern for myself and my IMAGE, then that's a price I'll pay...

On the same thought, what else has my concern for my image kept me from doing? Again, I'm convicted of my spending... But I have TONS to say about that, so I'll save that for later this week.

With love,

~Art