Revisiting the purpose of It Springs Up, I wanted to write about the ways God is working in my life. I wanted to share the lessons He's teaching me, and to keep track of my growth. So, the only thing I can think to write about today is identity.
This is a lesson that God has really had to teach me these past few weeks, and especially these past few days. It's an exciting, beautiful, just pure lovely lesson... and yet it's hard to embrace.
The lesson is simple: I am who He says I am. No more, no less.
I'm reading a novel called Lucifer's Flood, about the fall of Satan and a third of the angels from heaven. A demon narrates the whole story, and tells of how he fell from heaven with the others and was then assigned by Satan to serve as a watcher- he would watch humanity and tell Satan anything interesting that happened. As he narrates the lives of several biblical characters, he mentions how it is their faith that seems to move God's heart. When the demons are discussing what faith is, the narrator says faith is a very strong belief- a belief that God is who He says He is.
Now, I think it's hard enough to believe in that sometimes- to believe that this unseeable God is who He claims to be. But I think it's far harder to believe that I am who God says I am.
The reason for this is that, first of all, to believe what God says about me I first have to believe what He says about Himself; I have to believe that He really is the truth, and that He really does know me better than anyone else. I also have to believe that He knows what He meant for me to be.
All that is well and good, until what He says I am starts to conflict with thoughts that I've had for years about myself. Let's face it, we've each been told who we are since we were born. And out of being told who we are, we're told what behavior is expected of us. Then, somewhere along the line, we meet Jesus and decide to be all about Him... but then what?
The experience I've had, and have been confronting recently, is that I still carry tons of thoughts and beliefs about myself that, frankly, no longer belong to me... Because they're not what I was meant to be. Often, I believe I'm someone who Jesus has clearly told me I am not. Or, I believe I cannot be the person Jesus has called me to be.
Let's look at a fairly simple example: gender roles. In our society, men are supposed to be a certain way. The model differs depending on who you talk to or where you are, but basically we're told is that men dress a certain way, can't show much emotion and, oh, if they happen to have a girlfriend, that makes them REALLY a man. [Let me mention I speak for my generation, out of my experience and what I have seen in others].
What you have, then, is a massive amount of men who know Jesus, and who have been set aside by God to be Men Of God, but they can't seem to get there. It's not that they don't want to, it's just that something is stopping them... Because, you see, they can't become Men Of God until they first accept that they ARE men- not because they fit into the model that the world has prepared for them, but because God says they are.
I myself have been told countless time to behave a certain way, because it's how a man acts... When, really, as I explore my faith and relationship with Christ, I don't find that God tells me the same. I'm realizing that I spend so much time trying to be the man other people, including Christians, expect me to be, that I often miss out on being a man just because God has made me one.
Or how about this- what about the things we tell ourselves we are? For years, I've been insecure around new people. I seem to carry a general assumption that new people just plain won't like me... And so I've gotten used to saying "I'm shy because I'm insecure."
All the while, however, God is saying "I've freed you. I've made you secure in Me." Only I haven't been able to embrace this truth that he offers me, because I'm so caught up in being "me."
Over the past few weeks, I've had several instances where God has used the most RANDOM people to specifically tell me "You are bold and brave," in those exact words, in ways that I could only be totally certain that He was speaking. I kept asking God "why would you say that to me? I'm so insecure. I'm so scared."
You see, I was looking at myself as the me that I had been for years. I kept making myself into the person I believed to be. I ignored that I am free in Christ. I am free from insecurity. I am free from fear. The Word says
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."
1 John 4:18 (NIV)
So why is it that I was so focused on being fearful that I couldn't embrace that God had made me brave?
The fact is, I am not who people tell me I am. I am not who I tell myself I am. I am who God says I am.
Now I just have to walk in it... which takes some effort. I need to take the time to hear Him tell me who I am. Because, truth be told, every day people try to tell me who to be. If I'm not taking time every day to ask God who I am, all I'm gonna be hearing is the lies.
With love,
Art. The Art that God has declared.
